We’re back at it,
friends! I ended up on an unplanned
hiatus for the summer. We had insane
work schedules…. Vacations… Jason moved! We did still watch movies as much as
possible, but there were a number of weeks that we couldn’t meet. The movies we did watch have been put on the
Movie Nuts Watch List, so check out that page to catch up on what we watched
over the summer. There were some good
ones! And so… to kick us back off on the
blog—SHARK WEEK!!!!!
Movie #1: Ghost Shark (2013,
with ensemble cast of relative unknowns)
Another SYFY creature feature! Ghost
Shark begins with a couple of stereotypical redneck low-lives viciously
killing a Great White Shark that then, through unholy magic, turns into a
blood-thirsty ghost. Now the poor town
(very reminiscent of the village of Amity in Jaws, complete with self-serving mayor) is at the mercy of this
violent ghost! Oh, but it’s not just the
shoreline that harbors the danger of losing life and limb—OH NO! The “ghost shark” can travel anywhere there
is water…. bathtubs, swimming pools, water hoses, fire hydrants…. No one is safe! There is the requisite group
of half-naked, teenage girls. In this
movie, they’re working a fundraiser car wash, so naturally they are all WET
half-naked teenage girls (you can piece it together here on your own….). Of course, these sirens of the local high
school must meet their untimely end, as is the custom with all horror
movies. Our favorite “offing”—the ghost
shark is in the water bucket and chomps the girl to bits from inside the water
bucket. Absolutely over the top. Kathy loved it… she has a picture of the
scene on her Facebook page. In the end,
the unholy magic is reversed, the ghost shark is returned to the Hades of the
oceanic world, and life returns to normal (with half the town decimated in the ghost
shark’s wake, naturally….)
Things we loved: 1.
Richard Moll’s guest appearance as the creepy and crotchety old
lighthouse keeper. (You’ll all remember
him from Night Court fame!) He was creepy. Very creepy.
And crotchety. Very
crotchety! 2. The museum curator—Kathy had a very hard time
determining his identity. Is it a
man? Is it a woman? Who is it?
We told you it was a man, Kathy… and it was—IMDB.com says so.
Ratings: We all three gave this one a 3.5. For what it was (read and remember
here---cheesy tv horror flick), it was good. Funny, over the top, utterly
ridiculous. No Oscar noms here! And we like it that way.
Movie #2: Sharknado! (2013, The Asylum, with Ian Ziering, Tara
Reid, John Heard)
We’ve been waiting for another production from The
Asylum! Finally, one was released. This flick actually even made it to the
theaters. We were all bummed that we
didn’t get to go see it on the big screen….until we watched it last week. We can go along with a lot of pretty stupid,
far-fetched story lines, and we totally loved Ghost Shark. (Kathy’s exact
comment—“I’m buying it. Ok. I can buy that.” Of course, that could’ve been the wine, but
then, Kathy will believe about anything. )
Sharknado on the other hand… even Kathy couldn’t go with it. So the basic premise is the Los Angeles coast
is plagued by a massive hurricane that then generates these water spouts that
include dozens of sharks. In the midst
of all this is a small group of people trying to survive. You have the fairly common family drama that
comes into play at the most inopportune moments, yet is resolved by the coming together
against a common foe—the sharknadoes.
Ian Ziering (of the original Beverly
Hills 90210, not that recent CW reboot crap) is the hero, naturally. Tara Reid, who by the way looks horribly old
for her age, plays his ex. Throw in
massive tidal waves, hundreds of gnashing shark teeth, school bus full of stranded,
crying children, a helicopter, and a chainsaw, and you have the mediocre flick
which we watched. Although a bit
lack-luster for The Asylum, we were trying to hang on to our “suspension of
disbelief” up until the very end. At the
end, our hero Ian sacrifices himself to save his daughter from the sharnado by
jumping in front of her with a chainsaw.
The shark swallows him and the chainsaw whole. They kill the shark, it falls to the ground,
every one stands around crying over the now dead Ian. But wait!
There’s a noise…it’s muffled, yet persistent. What is that?
The shark’s body begins to move.
The sound gets louder; the shark’s body begins to shift harder. There’s a sudden gash, AND-----our hero cuts
through the shark’s body with the chainsaw and frees himself—AND the girl who
was swallowed whole about 30 minutes ago in the movie. WHAT????!!!!??? All three of us sat forward in our chairs
and shouted our disbelief at this cinematic miracle. Kathy:
“I believed in the ghost shark! I
ain’t believing in that!” At that
point, we were all three totally over this movie….and we were all three
thankful we hadn’t wasted $10.00 a pop going to see that in the theater. What a waste.
Why, people of The Asylum, why?
Your standards have definitely dropped.
Ratings: Kathy and Jason both give this one a 2.5; I give it a 1.5. (Even if you’re into crap movies like us….Don’t
bother.)
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