More "terror" awaits...

And the journey into “terror” continues…..

Last week—Houses possessed by evil spirits!

Movie #1:  The Amityville Horror (1979, with James Brolin, Margot Kidder)

This is a classic horror film which, surprisingly, Jason had NOT seen.  So we watched… I think he was bored….but that’s just speculation.  Perhaps the scariest thing about this movie is the fact that it is built upon a true event that happened.  Most people have seen this at least once in their lives, so excessive plot discussion is unnecessary.  It has a simple plot—family moves into a “dream home” then quickly discovers it’s harboring a portal to hell and the evil spirits are driving the family insane! 

Moral of the story—If it’s a huge-ass house in a fancy neighborhood but is within your measly budget and several thousands less than houses half its size, then it’s POSSESSED!!!!!!  Do. Not. Buy.

Weirdest moment of movie—The pig-demon that appears in the window at the end of the movie when the family is trying to escape.  Odd.

Ratings—Jason 3 stars (although he believes the modern retelling is better); Kathy and Me 2 stars

Movie # 2:  The Skeleton Key (2005, with Gena Rowlands, Kate Hudson, Peter Saarsgard)

Kathy and I love this movie!  Again, it was one that Jason had actually not seen.  So we put it on the list for our “haunted house” night.  Set in the swampy, voodoo-laden bayous of southern Louisiana, a hospice nurse moves into an old plantation to care for an elderly stroke victim.  However—things are not as they seem.   There are secrets, locked rooms, mysterious customs…proving that staying in this house is quite dangerous.  You have the wonderful atmosphere of New Orleans, Creole blues music, the eeriness of the moss-covered and foggy swamps, and the intrigue of voodoo.   

Moral of the story—If you are living in a house that has an attic that’s supposedly never been opened in over 40 years, there’s a reason… Stay. Away.  Moral #2—If you’re told a “religion or magic” doesn’t work unless you believe it, then don’t start practicing it…. You’re gonna get sucked in…

Ratings—Jason and Kathy 2.5; Me 3

This week—Vampires and the Supernatural!

Movie #1: Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970, with Christopher Lee, Geoffrey Keen, Gwen Watson)

My goodness!  Where to begin!  Well, this is another horror film by the famous Hammer Film Studios of London, England, noted for bringing back to life the “horror genre” in the late 1950s.  Hammer Film flicks are typically grandiose in theatrics, feature pretty girls with “heaving bosoms”, and pretty cheesy special effects—all the elements of an awesome B movie.  In essence, this trio of “upstanding gentlemen” who also have a seedy side, reveling in the perverse once a month at a hidden brothel, come in contact with a reputed Devil Worshiper.   We, in fact, find out that the man is worshipping Dracula.  Through a bizarre ritual, Dracula is reincarnated and then seeks to destroy the 3 men who killed his servant.  The 3 men die, 2 of the men’s children die, and terror plagues the village.  Throughout the madness, we see Christopher Lee as a towering Dracula, seductive to the ladies. 

Moral of the story—If you are asked to partake in a mysterious ritual, ask questions FIRST.  Asking after the fact, is just plain stupid. 

Greatest shot of the movie—There is a moment when the camera turns, and you see Dracula standing at the top of a set of stairs, haughtily looking down at the people below, billowing cape enveloping him in blackness.  From the angle of the camera, Christopher Lee looks as if he were 10 feet tall.  It is an awesome shot.

Ratings—3’s all around for Taste the Blood of Dracula!!!  It is a well-done cheesy movie!  The sets and costumes are just stunning.

Movie #2:  The Terror (1963, with Boris Karloff, Jack Nicholson)

Poor Boris Karloff really needed some grocery money, and poor Jack was desperate for a break into show biz, apparently.  This movie is pretty bad by today’s standards and expectations.  None of us had ever heard of it.  A period “thriller”, a soldier in Napoleon’s army (Jack Nicholson) is separated from his regiment and, in his wanderings, finds a castle that holds a secret.  The plot involves deception, betrayal, murder, and vengeance—not all in that order necessarily.  Intrigued by a beautiful lady, the soldier ends up staying at the castle when he probably shouldn’t have.  Boris Karloff plays the master of the castle, and the key character in the scandalous secrets the castle keeps.  There is a twist at the end, which was interesting (although not explained well).  If any of you watched the ORIGINAL soap opera Dark Shadows and liked it, you’d probably like this okay. 

Funniest moment—The beautiful woman trying to strangle Boris Karloff.

Things I liked—The way this was shot reminds me a lot of the original Dark Shadows—minimalist yet theatrical sets, lots of crashing waves and fog, the references to witches/supernatural, the secrets surrounding the family crypt.  I also liked how this movie at several occasions felt reminiscent of Edgar Allen Poe—say The Tell-Tale Heart, or The Fall of the House of Usher, or even The Cask of Amontillado.

Ratings—Jason & Kathy 1.5;  Me… I give it a 2.  It was “okay…but bordering bad”.

Pumpkins and Slashers....

‘Tis the Season….. for pumpkins and spooks and psycho killers!

We begin the month of October with the first of a series of themed horror nights.  This week’s theme….psychotic murderers—the classic slasher flick.  “It’s Halloween….everyone’s entitled to one good scare…”

Movie #1:  Halloween (1978, with Donald Pleasance, Jamie Lee Curtis)  4.5s all around!

The ultimate Halloween movie from John Carpenter is always a great go-to movie for those wishing to be scared in the dark.  We all three just love this movie for a multitude of reasons.  It’s simple.  It’s subtle.  It works.  What scares people most are the little bumps in the night…the feeling that you’re being watched…thinking you saw someone in the shadows, but you’re just not sure…  There are no insane special effects.  This is not the “torture porn” that has become the mainstream vision of contemporary horror flicks.  It was obviously low-budget.  Heck, the actors all wore their own clothes for the movie.  It endures because of its simplicity.  The other reason it survives is because, just like with Jaws,  John Carpenter’s score for this movie created an auditory memory for the viewer.  The music is so indelible… once you’ve heard it, you never forget it.  You can just hear that music, and the first thing that comes into your mind—no matter who you are—is Michael Myers in his overalls and white mask lurking in the shadows.  Biding his time… just waiting and watching….for you to be completely absorbed in whatever it is that you’re doing…that you don’t see him behind you… raising his hand…

Movie #2:  Friday the 13^th (1980, with Adrienne King, Betsy Palmer, Kevin Bacon)

Our second slasher film of the night was another total classic—the original Friday the 13^th.  Where Halloween was a serious, and successful, attempt at a horror film, the Jason Voorhees series is complete and utter spoof—and it’s successful at it.  It knows that it’s campy, cheesy, and owns it.  The key to watching these slasher films is to make sure you’re a virgin.  If you’re a slutty tramp-puppy (girl OR guy!), you’re dead meat—usually while you’re in the middle of being grossly promiscuous.  Beware all kind looking middle-aged ladies with huge teeth and ugly sweaters.  The violence in this one goes a bit further than that of its inspiration, Halloween.  We go from relatively tame chokings and minor stabbings in 1978 to machetes in the chest, axes in the face, and decapitations by boat oar.  Of all the slutty teenagers that starred in this film, really only one became a household name.  Yes, he of the “always perfect hair”, Mr. “Let’s Dance!” Kevin Bacon.  (Jason was digging the daisy dukes….see picture below.) So, remember kids… don’t have sex.  Stay pure, my friends…and stay alive.

Ratings: Jason 4; Me and Kathy 3.5s



Look at them boys with the Daisy Dukes on!  Look at them boys with the Daisy Dukes on!



Favorite scenes:  Halloween—When Michael Myers comes upstairs to kill the slutty blonde cheerleader and she thinks it’s the boyfriend in a sheet playing ghost.  He has the guy’s glasses on over the sheet.  He’s doing the Darth Vader breathing.  Hilarious.  And Freaky.

                             Friday the 13^th—When Adrienne King (the last virgin standing) takes Betsy Palmer’s head off with a boat oar.  That’s just so over the top. 

Eternal Debate:  There has been a debate now for decades about what the background noise in Friday the 13^th is.  You know what I’m talking about—that spooky repetitive whispering that is not entirely clear.  We discussed this at length last Tuesday—and via email all week at work.  We each have our own take on what it is.  Jason believes he’s correct just because he stole it from his 700-page illustrated history of Friday the 13^th—“ka ka ka ka ka….ma ma ma ma….”  Supposedly to represent dead Jason saying “kill ma”—telling his mother to kill the slutty teenagers.  Kathy thinks it’s “ta ta ta ta ta ….pa pa pa pa pa”—not sure what that’s supposed to represent…

Me… and of course, I’m biased… I tend to agree with Vh1’s “I Love the 80s” version of this… “Jiff Jiff Jiff Jiff… Pop Pop Pop Pop”  Jason was hungry, and he wanted some popcorn, damn it!