We Love Rock-n-Roll

We went “out” to the movies again this week.  We’ve been looking forward to the release of this week’s movie for months!  We love musicals.  We love the ‘80s.  We love goofing off and having fun.  This had the potential to be a great night….

Movie:  Rock of Ages (2012, with Tom Cruise, Julianne Hough, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand)

… and it WAS!  There was head banging.  There was dancing.  There was singing.  And that was all just me, Jason, and Kathy! 

I know most of the critics kind of panned this movie.  I tend not to listen to critics because they view everything as if it were up for an Oscar nom.  Remember blog folks—we don’t judge movies like the critics do.  We actually judge the movies based on what they’re intended to be.  This movie is based on a rock musical.  It glorifies the seedy, glamorous world that is rock-n-roll music of the ‘80s.  It’s supposed to be cheesy.  It’s supposed to be predictable.  It’s supposed to be over the top.   Did it achieve what it set out to do???  Hell, yes!

Picture it:  1987.  Los Angeles.  Local dive rock bar called the Bourbon Room.  Big hair. Brash clothes.  Even bigger attitudes.  Tons of hairspray. The plot’s pretty predictable and over-used:  small-town girl from Midwest (it’s always the Midwest in these movies…. Seems like nobody every wants to live there.  They’re always leaving for the “bright lights, big city”…. But I digress…)  So.  Small-town girl from Midwest takes a bus to LA to seek fame and fortune and LOVE.  She starts out as a waitress… ends up as an exotic dancer (typical) but ends up with the guy in the end.  (I’m not giving anything away folks; you’ve all seen this plotline a million times.)  Meanwhile, back at the rock bar, you have humble, aging rocker Alec Baldwin trying to save his bar from repossession and the wolf (this time embodied by Catherine Zeta-Jones) beating down the door.  I totally bought Alec Baldwin as the bar owner.  He didn’t look like “Alec Baldwin” at all.   And sub-sub-plot, disillusioned rocker Stacee Jax is trying to find meaning in his stoned and drunken existence.  I’ve never been a real Tom Cruise fan myself… but we all three agreed he was pretty awesome in this role.  And Russell Brand can sing—go figure?!   (Better look out Katy Perry… he just might turn around and sing a song on the radio about YOU!)

The one negative in this movie:  Julianne Hough.  She was too sweet.  The thing we hated most about her in this role is that her voice was too weak, too high, and too syrupy to pull off singing rock anthems.  She sounded like a little girl.  And of course Kathy bestowed upon Julianne the title of “drip-lip”.  Jason and I were also bothered by the fact that everything else in this movie was spot-on ‘80s except her hair.  It’s like Julianne was too good to “jack it up to Jesus”.  It’s the ‘80s—break out that damn teasing comb and Aqua Net your hair ‘til the ozone layer is gone, girl!

Things We Loved: “Hey Man” (Stacee Jax’s monkey); Mary J Blige’s cameo appearance—now you wanna talk about a solid voice!; I won’t tell what the scene is for those of you going to watch but just be on the lookout for R.E.O. Speedwagon’s “Can’t Fight This Feeling”—hilarious!; the music—the best rock anthems in music history (when you watch, don’t turn your nose up because it’s not the original voices for these songs… the actors do a great job of singing).

Comedy Moment: Julianne’s love-interest is prepping for his date and the Hispanic cook (or some other form of bar employee) startles him and Drew shouts “Jesus!”  The cook immediately replies:  “No, I’m Chico.  Jesus is my brother.”       Kathy and I died over that.  It was great!

Ratings:  We ALL 3 gave Rock of Ages a solid 4 stars!  It would’ve been 5 if anyone else besides Julianne Hough had played the lead girl.  It did what it set out to do.  The performances were great.  We laughed and sang for 2 solid hours.  It is a truly entertaining movie.  

Invention of a Plan:  I’m trying to talk Jason into being Stacee Jax for Halloween!!!  I think it’d be great!  He’s skinny (makes me sick) so he’d do good without a shirt.  Paint on some tattoos.  Get a weave.  It’d be awesome!!! 

God I miss the days of outrageous clothes, weird makeup, and humongous hair.  I really do.  We’re all so visually boring now, and everybody looks exactly the same.  I’m off to find my old crimping iron and wipe the dust off it!