Movie Nuts Review #3

Well, seemingly endless week for me....I don't know about anybody else.  So, a day late--but here we go!

Movie #1:  Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?  (1966, with Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton)
     --The non-musical "Rocky Horror Picture Show" of the '60s.
Bizarre, extreme closeup shots.  Fast, incessant dialogue--which is often funny, if you can keep up.  (I often found myself overstimulated and inefficient at keeping up with the warp speed talking.)  Based on a play, this movie is carried by drama and dialogue.  There is no apparent plot or action to provide a center.  Elizabeth Taylor (Martha)--brash, violently opinionated, repressed.  Richard Burton (husband George)--cruel, unforgiving, morose.  A young couple (Sandy Dennis, George Segal) spend a night with George and Martha drinking and spiraling ever downward into a dark, psychotic abyss, dragging us with them.  If you're going to watch it, please research the play first because the movie doesn't provide enough context or backstory to understand where the hell all this psychotic drama is coming from.  The acting, however, is indeed outstanding.  What we liked:  Elizabeth Taylor's reference to, and imitation of, Bette Davis at the top of the movie.  Favorite line:   "I swear if you existed, I'd divorce you!"

Rating:  Jason and Kathy--both give it 4 out of 5 stars.  Me--(considering I got continually lost in the ziplining dialogue, didn't get the "point", and kept wondering why the hell that younger couple didn't just get up and leave...)  1 out of 5.  (No offense to "Lizzie" and "Richie")

Movie #2:  Frogs (1972, with Sam Elliott, Ray Milland, Joan van Ark)
      --NATURE BITES BACK!  (should be the tagline of this movie)
We stumbled upon this little "treasure" while deciding what our second movie was going to be Tuesday night.  The poster and synopsis promised killer frogs.  Turns out every creature in the swamp is a killer EXCEPT the frogs!  It's your basic "pollution has ruined the earth, now nature must take its revenge" story.  Centered around a Southern aristocrat (Dial M for Murder's cool as a cucumber Milland) and his sprawling low-country plantation estate, the movie is typical 1970s cheese.  There is the controversial inter-racial relationship, the young generation fighting the old traditions, and the careless attitude towards the environment that unleashes terror in the end.  Enter--Sam Elliott.  A young, firm, smokingly hot Sam Elliott (pre-mustache).  His voice was mesmerizing, and for 1 hour and 32 minutes, we were thanking God for the extremely tight, "cut-off-the-circulation-to-the-legs" jeans of the '70s.  (He was a long, cool drink of water, people.)  So anyway.....  Everyone's toast on the island--some done in by snakes, some by spiders, some by poisonous gas, and the best death scene (hands down for all 3 of us)--LEECHES!  (ew)  Every few minutes you got shots of frogs, but as gorgeous Sam Elliott narrowly escapes, the stubborn patriarch is frightened into what we assumed was a fatal heart-attack by witnessing an invasion of frogs into his ancestral home.  It was false advertising in the worst way.  A poster that promised man-eating frogs did not deliver such horrific oddities.  Side notes-- Joan van Ark wears a bright, mustard-yellow "onesie"which we thought was odd.  The musical score was just strange. 

My favorite lines for this movie did not come from the actual screenplay.  Here they are:
   "I don't like nature!  It scares me!"....terrifyingly whispered by Jason as Sam Elliott is delving deep into the swamp to investigate the frog phenomena.
   "  I'm gonna have nightmares!  I just know I'm gonna have nightmares!"....shrieked by Kathy during the "death by leeches" scene. 

Ratings:  Jason--2 out of 5 stars;  Kathy--1 star for the movie, 5 stars for the poster; Me--1 star for the movie, 100 stars for Sam Elliott's hotness

Tonight's wine list:  Woodbridge Merlot; Redwood Creek Chardonnay

The night's final overall thought:   LONG LIVE THE CAFTAN!!!!!!

 

                                                    See....a onesie!

Movie Nuts Review 2--'80s invasion!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 
Kathy--calm, cool, and collected
Me--frustrated out of my mind with end of the semester procedures and the daily changes that are occurring to each. 
Jason--still working on those conference posters....all day....every day....

This week we decided to flashback to the '80s.  These 2 features were ones already seen by Jason and Kathy, but as I was raised Pentecostal, I didn't get to watch any movies growing up that had a rating other than G or presented evil or magic in some form.  Hence, I've missed these.  They felt I needed to be brought into the fold.

Movie #1:  Ghostbusters (1984, with Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver)
     Oh, the cult retro classic that is Ghostbusters! Cheesy synthesizer music, ugly clothes, big hair (which I am personally crusading to return to the fashion world), green screen effects, and lots of lasers.  There's evil afoot, ghosts haunting every public building in New York, the fate of mankind hangs in the balance, and it all comes to down to a battle between the 4 awkward, disorganized, yet loveable "busters" and a huge, 40-story marshmallow man.  Needless to say, evil is conquered, the damsel is saved, the marshmallow man turns to molten goo, and New York rests in peace once again.  Things we loved:  the cameo appearance by Annie Potts as the "busters" secretary, the Larry King and Casey Kasem spots, and the fact that it must have taken 13 tractor trailers filled with shaving foam to spray down New York City when the marshmallow man exploded.

Ratings:  Jason--4 out of 5 stars; Kathy--4 out of 5 stars; me--sure...4 out of 5.

Movie #2:  Little Shop of Horrors (1986, with Rick Moranis, Ellen Greene)
     I call it the Sweeney Todd of the horticultural world.
       "I swear on all my spores..." that this movie will never win an Oscar!  However, if you're looking for a movie that has the feel of the '60s, has some sado-masichistic humor, and pretty awesome singing, then this one is for you. Ol' lowly, sad little Seymour finds himself a pretty damn ugly plant and takes it back to the floral shop he works at.  Before there was Bella feasting on sips of blood for her half-human/half-vampire baby in the Twilight Saga, there was Seymour...pricking his fingers so that this damn ugly plant can drink his blood.  Steve Martin cameos as a psychotic, demented dentist (Kathy was shrieking during those scenes, and we now know why she's terrified of dentists, drills, and probing of any type...).  Bill Murray makes another brief entrance as a patient with a fetish for the painful dealings of the psycho dentist...slightly disturbing if you thought about it too much.  The damn ugly plant grows into a man-eating HUGE damn ugly plant, until it is destroyed by Seymour in a moment of tortured desperation.
What I loved:  The 3 black girls who sang throughout the movie (they reminded us of the Supremes... or the Dynamos in Hairspray), one of which was a young Tisha Campbell from My Wife and Kids.  They were all beautiful, dressed to the nines (I want their clothes and shoes!), and phenomenal singers.

Ratings:  all of us gave it 5 out of 5 stars

(Note about our ratings... we rate realistically, people.  Not every movie is an Oscar contender or some piece with deep, philosophical meaning.  If it does well for what it is, we rate it so.  You can't rate The Grapes of Wrath and The Little Mermaid by the same scale, and we don't intend to.)

 Past Flick Recap:  The Swarm (1978, Irwin Allen, with Michael Caine)
     OMG.  Michael Caine REALLY needed a paycheck, apparently.  Kathy, Jason, and I all agree that this is, hands down, the WORST movie we've EVER seen.  Period.  Supposedly, killer bees are coming from South America, but we found that we didn't give a crap whether they came or not.  Towards the end, we were hoping they would invade and kill everyone just so this slow, tedious, mental/visual/auditory torture would stop.  2 hours of our lives that we'll never get back.  We all love Michael Caine, but this was just horrid.  My 4-year-old godson is way more exciting and creative than this when's he's just playing with his Thomas the Train set.

Tonight's featured wine list:  Barefoot Pinot Noir; Turning Leaf 2010 California Chardonnay

Movie Nuts Review 1

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Hectic week at work for Kathy.  Battling allergies and sinus issues for me.  Life as usual for Jason.  We decided to have a dichotomy of suspense with this week's movies!

Movie #1:  Dial M for Murder (1954, Alfred Hitchcock)

    First, let me state:  WE LOVE HITCHCOCK!!  The man was simply a genius.  His use of odd, yet fascinating, shots from irregular angles, the play of shadow and silence to create suspense, the development of unforgettable characters.  This movie was no exception (and one of my mother's favorites).  Grace Kelly--beautiful, elegant, tragic. She epitomizes the confused, forsaken, and betrayed wife.  Then, there's Ray Milland who, when faced with all his dirty secrets, is the coolest English cucumber in the crisper drawer.  You must watch VERY closely--the "slight of hand tricks" throughout the movie are the essence of the plot.

Movie #2:  Two-Headed Shark Attack (2011, The Asylum)

     To start off, we have become connoisseurs of the works of "The Asylum".  Mostly cheesy, "creature features" (as Jason calls them), they always feature a prominent has-been from the '80s/early 90's.  Past appearances have included Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Lorenzo Lamas, Jaleel White (Urkel), and Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady).   Tonight, the marquis headliner was Carmen Electra.  Although, her part consisted mainly of lying on a boat in her bikini and slightly undulating for the camera while basking in the sun.  She's shortly thereafter eaten by a two-headed shark during a melodramatic good-bye kiss with the captain (played by a very flat, non-descript actor) as a tidal wave threatens in the background.  You have the obligatory "boob shots" that a co-ed horror flick always includes; however, we felt that they discriminated against the African American actresses in this regard, especially as they appeared more qualified... (potential letter to the NAACP regarding EEO violations could be forthcoming...)  Needless to say, all the self-absorbed, hormone-crazed co-eds got eaten by the two-headed shark, and the two "nerds" end up creating a Macgyver-esque explosive, kill the shark, and get rescued by a chopper.  Lots of bad CGI and Karo-syrup blood.  Great for a laugh.


Tonight's Featured Wine List:  Woodbridge Merlot, The Naked Grape Chardonnay

Past Flick Recap:   North and South (1985, Mini-Series)

      Civil War.  Love Triangles.  Political Intrigue.  Family Betrayals.  Melodrama.  This 1980s mini-series had it all, including hairstyles of the 1980s (not the 1860s).  We rooted for George and Auri, and loathed Ashton and that creep Elkanah Bent.  So many great cameo appearances.  And of course, sigh...Patrick Swayze (may he rest in peace)--I loved him.  We watched the final episode while eating a Southern feast:  fried chicken, eastern NC barbecue, brunswick stew, and hushpuppies.  Of course, Kathy (our little Yankee transplant) insisted that it was North AND South---so I bought a Boston Creme Pie for dessert(.....whatever).

Who Are We?

This is the continuing story of 3 very different, yet very close, friends.  We've been together for years.  We don't like to say how long because it doesn't matter.  We three fortunately have the same discerning (and odd) taste in movies.  What started out as a movie night together once a month over two years ago has now evolved into a once-a-week event.  Every Tuesday, rain, shine, hell or high water, we get together and watch movies.

We've been through good times, bad times, crazy times, weird times, awesome times, sad times, and just "LIFE--the Roller Coaster" together and have survived it all by getting together and watching some of the best and worst cinematic moments in history, washed down by gallons of wine (by Kathy and Jason) and liters of Pepsi (by me).  Accompanying us through this "Fantastic Voyage" is Jason's adorable dachshund, Clementine--known affectionately to us as "Clemmie".

THE 3 NUTS!

• Kathy--university librarian by day; free-spirited, movie-loving wino by night (age not to be released upon pain of death)
• Jason--graphic designer for same university library by day (conference posters...always with the conference posters, this guy); talented caricature creator and chardonnay guzzler by night (he's the baby of the trio)
• Me (Adrienne)--lowly, frustrated community college adjunct by day; closet "smut writer" and aspiring LPGA golfer by night (I'm somewhere in the middle.)

WHAT WE WATCH!
         We watch it all!   Old classics.  Old masterpieces that noone's heard of or remembers. Cheesy "creature features" (as Jason calls them) made for the SYFY channel.  Modern releases.  Musicals, mysteries, comedies, dramas.  Retro cult classics.  Mini-series and period pieces.

If you're a fan of the movies, this blog is for you.  Each week, I'll be posting our thoughts about the movies we watch.  I'll also give a "featured wine list", favorite one-liner of the week, and a recap of a movie we've watched in the past before I created this blog.  If you're not a fan of the movies... who cares?  This blog is just for kicks anyway.  Who needs ya?!